Thursday, October 22, 2009

Heart ache

My heart aches so...Monica died one week ago this evening. I'm still partially in shock and numb. I looked at my wedding band and it felt strange to wear it. She's not here physically any more, though I have had some wonderful dialogues and pictures of her in my mind. I took the ring off to see how it felt. I didn't break down and cry. I put it back on to see how that felt and it felt like I was pretending she was still here. So I put it in a little pouch next to her wedding band.

This is hard...

4 comments:

Cathy said...

Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Peace, Doug, Cathy, Jennifer and Jaclyn Brush

krbradway said...

Ira, You are an incredible human being with amazing spirit. Your willingness to share your most intimate thoughts with transparent honesty is deeply moving. You will heal yourself and those who read your blog in ways you cannot begin to imagine. Yes, Monica is with you, in you, part of you ~always. There are no right or wrong ways to respond to grief. It sounds to me that you are exploring what feels natural to you. Thank you for sharing so openly. I see more and more just how blessed you and Monica were to have each other, and for the rest of us to have you both in our lives as well.

Peace, Love, and Light,
Kelly Bradway

8607599492 said...

Hi Ira,

I'm so sorry that Monica is no longer physically with you. But keep in mind that she will always be with you in spirit. She will never leave you in spirit. Never.

My prayers are with you.

~Peace~

-Riley

cyn8cats said...

Ira, I was saddened to learn about Monica's death recently but just as quickly I found myself smiling at the memory of her...and you. I hadn't known her long but, with Monica, that didn't mean you didn't remember her with fondness and awe.

My first gig with COD in December, 2007, there she was with her head covered with a scarf, the only such reminder that she was dealing with a life limiting illness. Everything else about her radiated life, laughter and determination to fight one hell of a fight. I don't know if I ever told you but we had such a nice connection that night, she and I. She said goodbye to me, someone she had basically just met, with a warm hug and hopes that I could accompany you all again. I found myself careful not to play the role of Hospice social worker, just as someone who admired and accepted Monica for where she was in her life.

I know a lot of people must be urging you to call them or let them know what they can do for you. I will refrain from making that kind of offer only because my belief is if we are meant to connect or come together for whatever reason, we will. That said, I have no doubt I will find you or you me in our mutual spiritual journeys. I just wish you could feel a nice warm hug from me right now.

Cyndia Shook